Colon Hysteria

Is it possible to fake passing out !! Not when a seasoned street medics are around. Believe me, people try it all of the time with us , but we don't buy into the act. Case in point, we are on our way to a typical fainting call the other day, and I am looking on the computer update screen for information. I am reading all of it and I notice two things : the complaint and the history of the patient. The screen tells me that the patient has passed out and is now conscious, and the history tells me that she has colon problems. Not the typical kind of colon problems that you read about very often on medical websites or even see in a text book. This is the type of colon problem that only a person themselves can diagnose: a spastic colon. So I am already giggling on the way to the call because I have the sense that we are heading into the twilight zone on this one.
So we are rumbling down the road in our medic truck , blowing the air horn at cars , and fighting thru traffic to save a life, when we pull up on the house.
Note to self - there are police cars out in front already- very suspicious !!
I get out of the truck and then walk into hysteriville !!
Two adults, one man and one woman who are completely wasted drunk, are pacing around the front room of a small house. I notice an officer talking with them near the hallway , and then I notice a middle age woman on the floor in the main room just lying there motionless. The two adults , apparently the brother of the woman on the ground and his girlfriend, are very upset to see this lady laying there motionless. In their drunken stupor,they start yelling at us to help her , and at one point the drunk girl turns to me and says, "I love this woman."
Awkward , but no comment on my end . I think to myself, "I like you much better when you act like a statue."
So we walk over to the woman on the ground and try to talk with her.
No response. Hmmm... !!
I knew the this woman was faking because we had seen it way too many times before. Lots of drama between family members , and then one of them pretends to pass out to get attention. So there are a group of four of us around her and we begin to try to rouse her. Tap, tap, tap on the shoulder, "mam, can you talk to us."
Nothing ! She lay there motionless with eyes closed.
The one of the guys tries a sternal rub on the chest. Just a whince , but no verbal response.
"Here let me try," says someone else. A pinch of the trap muscle and a big whince this time.
At this point everyone is losing patience with this woman, and I am feeling like we are in a scene from Airplane the movie with people lined up to have their chance at trying to bring this woman back from the depths of her hysteria.
Wrong time to stop sniffing glue !!
So after a few more agonizingly long seconds and no further response I say to everyone, "Let's pick her up and move her to the couch."
So we move her over to the couch, and when we set her down she collapses into the cushions pretending that she has no control over herself. People from the crew continue trying to ask her questions, and then I start thinking we need to try a different approach. Obviously, the one we have been taking is not working and she is not budging from her hysterical act.
I am on the outside of the inner semi-circle around her at this point, and I then begin to make my way thru the crowd to get closer to her. I tip-toe between people so as not to disturb her fragile state with any extra noise, and then I lean down and over her to get really close.
Before I even realize it these sarcastic words role right out of my mouth, "Do......You......Have......A.......Spastic........Colon..........?"
Eyes open, a chuckle, and a big smile from her!!
We are staring right at each other now and she immediately says, " why, yes I do !!"
Demons be gone and return to the light Carolanne. You've been cleansed !! This house is now cleeeeeaaaaarrrr!!
I turn to the crew and then say, " My work is done here. I have expelled all the demons from this woman , and I must now go and save others who need me !!"
I turn and walk out the front door leaving the dark reaches of the twilight zone behind, only to wait until the next time its long arms grab us to pull us in. I then find myself thinking about what just went on and can only smile at the situation.
There is no better feeling as a medic than when you save someone from themselves.

George Washington

I volunteer as a coach for an under 10 boys soccer travel team called The Fury. I know, I know it sounds like a rock band to some degree, but these boys really do rock. I applied for the position after the regular season had ended and was chosen for the spot. We have 10 kids on our team that range from 8-10 years old, and all of them are full of life !! I mean practice is more like herding cattle most of the time in the sense that I am constantly trying to keep them all moving in one direction together without losing a stray one. I love the energy that the kids bring to the field when they are with me at practice, but I do sometimes wonder if what I am saying makes a difference to them. For instance, I try to start off practice with a quick quote to get them to think about something, but most of the time I just get blank stares back from them. If it's not blank stares then it is usually group punching, prodding, and tackling as I am speaking to them. What are you going to do though, because they are only 8 and 9 , and they are boys. I just roll with it and move on during the practices, but it does leave me wondering if what I am doing sometimes gets through to them.
Well, this past week one of the boys had a birthday on one of our practice days so I decided to give him a soccer ball that I had bought at the end of practice. I presented it to him in front of the whole team and had everyone sing happy birthday to him. I didn't think much of it the entire week until I was browsing through our mail one night only to find a card addressed to 'coach'. I opened it up and it went a little something like this:
'Pride fills my heart when I walk on the field to play soccer for you. I love the way you encourage us and you give us pins. When I look at you I feel confident like George Washington's men felt when they looked at him. I've made many friends on the team. The soccer ball is awesome. Thank you. '
That card meant more to me than anything I had received in all of my years of coaching. If nothing else, I had made one young man believe that whatever he set out to do on the soccer field he could accomplish. You don't get those type of letters or cards very often, but God sure does work in mysterious ways sometimes. I had spent quite a bit of time lately wondering how good a job I was doing with those boys, and here He comes right along as if to say , "You are agreat coach just the way you are !"
It doesn't matter how old you are, you never get tired hearing words of encouragement. My hope is that I can somehow make a difference everyday in their lives, and really help them all to realize that all things are possible if only you believe.

"I'll throw myself on the floor...."

There is nothing more frustrating to me than running into someone who is able to do for themselves yet tries to leech off of all those around them. So we are on a paramedic call the other day and this woman (late 60's) says that she can't take care of herself anymore because she was too weak to do anything for herself. So we began to assess her, asking her this and that to find out what was going on to know best how to handle the situation. She is talking just fine with us, has perfect vitals , and at one point gets up and walks back to her apartment for a moment before returning. You see, she was at a neighbor's apartment during all of this because she had made her way over there somehow to ask for help. The neighbor had become concerned because of what the patient had been telling her so she called 911. So we have yet to find a single thing wrong with this woman, but she tells us that she can no longer buy any food for herself nor can she even dial her phone because of her overwhelming weakness.

At this point I suddenly flashed back to a couple of weeks ago when she called 911 because she could not find her anxiety pills during one of her anxiety attacks. We showed up at her apartment only to find her in a tizzy because she can't figure out where she last put the pills. So six of us searched around her apartment until we found them for her and then were on our way.

Now, sitting with her again in her neighbor's apartment for the second time I am feeling a little less compassion for her. So I ask her why she can't get food anymore, and she tells me that she is unable to walk to get food. Her nice neighbor has offered her a sandwich which she has prepared, and our patient is being cared for at the moment. I then ask her why she can't get to food since the dining hall at her complex is only 100 yards away and they offer delivery service for residents.
"I know they offer service, and I've used it before'" she tells me.

So I am thinking to myself why is this woman now at her neighbors house asking for a sandwich if food can be delivered to her.

"I've used the service before and it costs $3 for delivery," she adds.

"Could you maybe walk down the hall to eat at the dining hall then," I add?

"I am too weak to even walk anymore," she chimes back.

"You seem to be walking okay to me because you just walked down the hall to your apartment and back," I say.

"No, that's not possible."

Ohhh.. so it is totally clear to me now what is going on. "Could you run down to the dining hall and pick me up a meal," she then asks her neighbor?

WHAT THE FRICK !!!

She also looks over at us and tells us that her phone service is shut off as of today because she is too weak to dial up the company to pay her bill. So I am really starting to put it all together now on my end because I am special like that!! She informs us that she wants us to call her cell phone company for her to pay her bill so her phone service will get turned back on. With sandwich in hand she thrusts the phone at my partner, and he then begins to look up the number to call for her.

Stop the music !! The fun times are no more on my end !! Time to reel this wild pony in !!

"Mam, you need to be doing these things for yourself," I said.

She replies back as she leans forward in her chair face in hands, "I am putting on a good show for you right now because I am really sick. I am just trying to act normal for you right now because I don't want the attention."

Yea right..and don't have gas 99% of the day !!

Then I said, " you are perfectly fine, and I don't want you to ask you neighbor to do this for you again. We are not going to call the cell company for you because I know you can do it on your own. We wrote down the number for you and all you have to do is call them and give them your card to pay for your bill."

She then pulls out the ace in the hole and says, " I am about to throw myself on the floor right now and have a seizure !!"

Note to self !! Don't laugh at this point.

So I refrain as best as I can and say in as non-sarcastic a voice that I can muster, " well, that wouldn't be good for you. "

Big smile !!

Instead of getting mad I thought that I should inject a little humor...okay, maybe sarcasm into the mix.

Nothing but stares on her end. Not a word, not even a grunt!! Just a long , deep stare from her end. The kind of stare in the animal kingdom that separates the alpha female's from all of the rest. So I tilt my head slightly to the side , like a dog as he is first trying to figure out an unusual noise, and just stare back.

This is a stand off in Tombstone and I'm not backing down !! In my head, I hear a faint whistle off in the distance to the soundtrack of The good, the bad, and the ugly !! I've brought the guns today , and I'm ready for a showdown with the Ice Princess.

We are at an impasse and neither one of us is going to budge. She ,determined to stay in her suck the life out of all those around her mode, and I, in my gunslinger pose.

So I pick up the equipment that we had with us, and I then ask her, "Is there anything else that we can do for for you mam?"

She then quips, " I guess we are done here !!"

Yes.....we....are !!!

Don't ever have those around you do what you can do for yourself !! The people around you may put up with it for a while, but at some point in time you will run into your own Doc Holiday !! He'll look you right in the eyes and tell you, "I'll be ya' Huckleberry !!"

Family First !!

I work as an RN at an agency in my hometown that sends me to different facilities around the county. I recently got to work at a facility in which people come to get help with their addictions of all types. I had been to this facility once before and found myself intrigued by the stories behind the names. All too often I am finding that we are so inundated with work that we can't and aren't allowed to take the time to sit and talk with the patients. To me, one of the biggest components of the healing process is when the patient is able to open up about what they are going through. So when I have a moment I try to say hello to all of the patients as they are walking in and out of the building. I even try to break away from behind the iron curtain (nurse's station) to try and talk with them.
So I got the chance to strike up a conversation with one man the other day that led him to open up about his situation. He was the father of several children, and he had been dealing with some addiction for a long time. He chose to come to the facility because he had been forced to do so by his wife. Well, I guess you can't say that he was forced to do so, but he was called out so to speak. He had chosen to come voluntarily on his own because he was going to lose his whole family if he didn't. Now, if you or I had been walking down the street and seen this man you would have never guessed that he had a care in the world by the way he presented himself. He was very outgoing and jovial, and he was a well kept, clean cut business man who was very successful.
So we got to talking when I had a free moment, and he told me that he had learned a tremendous amount from his experience. The big thing with him was that he admitted to himself at some point along the way that he had a problem that he alone could not solve. He wasn't delusional about his situation at all because he told me that he didn't know if all would be well when he got home. He may have lost his marriage already , but he was trying to rectify a bad situation by taking matters into his own hands. He also told me about how much he loved his kids, and they were a huge part of why he was trying to get better.
As much as he hated being away from his children for the moment he was determined to be there for them in the long run. He knew that those kids needed a father in their lives that is available to them, and as much as people want to downplay the uniqueness of the parenting roles of each gender these days he saw the importance of what a father provides for a family. He told me that he may have already lost his marriage, but he would not lose his children as well. He knew what it meant to them to have him around because of the love and support that he gave all of them. I totally believed him as I sat there listening to his story because you could see the honesty in his face. I could also relate to him on a lot of levels because I too have a few children of my own, and they mean the world to me. He was motivated and willing to work extremely hard to get better so he could return to all of them again.
There was one thing that he told me that left a lasting impression on me. We talked a bit about the life that he provided his family and the fact that it was a very good one at that. As I listened though, I couldn't help but think to myself that it doesn't matter how well off you are in this world, sin and addiction strike at all levels. It reinforced to me how much I needed to keep my priorities straight for the sake of my wife and kids so they to could have their dad around.
You know, talking with him made me also realize that none of us are above reproach when it comes to falling short or dealing with temptations and sin. What is one man's downfall may not be mine , but we all have shadows in our lives that are always with us. All we can do is admit that we have weaknesses and ask for God's love and grace to be upon us when we do fall. My other point in all of this is that we always need to be living for something other than ourselves. When we do, we are able to step outside our own box and see more clearly all that is around us. We, as father's, owe it to our wives and our children who need a servant leader to be there for them.

Impossible - Is not a word !!

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard
Impossible is not a word
It’s just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody’s scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It’ll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

Kutless - "What Faith Can Do"

Impossible is not a word - It's just a reason not to try !!

Believe and you can move mountains !!

The next time you think that something is too big to tackle then LET God walk through it with you !!

Choose to be inspired and you will be amazed at how many people around you will follow suit !!

Lessons learned from training hike number 1 !!

So let's go over what we did learn from our first little training hike.

1) 14 miles is possible even when you are severely dehydrated.

2) It is better to start out moderately and finish strong than love like young bull in heat.

3) We need to plan our fluid intake better- At least 24oz per hour when you start out well hydrated- This is an approximate because we may need less when its cooler but more when really hot.

4) We will not be very hungry but eating is a must on our hikes- it will not be an option to eat on the trail because energy will be needed in a steady state for the long distance.

5) Training is a must !! 48 miles will require us to be in the best shape of our lives so train , train, train !!

6) Dogs can drink brown water and like it - my dog took a bath , rolled in it, drank it, and then smiled as I sat in the shade watching in envy. We cannot afford to drink it so we will be bringing water filter bottles on the trail to filter swift running water if need be.

7) I need some sort of ballsack deodorizer - maybe a combination of arm n hammer, sand, and perfume so the moisture is whisked away while I smell good.

8) Matt doesn't need sunblock because we now know a 3" layer of salt does the same job

9) 4000 pumps of a water filter in trickling brown water gets you approx 4 oz of tan water !! But Andy was kind enough to offer it to all of us first before he drank !! What a nice boy !!

10) Hallucinations are real when you are low on fluids and sodium. I started yelling at the end of the hike because I thought I saw dancing fairies ,holding bottled water, flying around me .

11) Accelerade is top notch - I have never hiked as hard and as far up steep terrain and felt absolutely no soreness the next day. It was astonishing the difference that it did make for Andy and I. Go get some and train with it.

12) I have thought many times about the relationship between food and my gas - I eat and therefore I am !! I only hope that I lead the whole way so you all can enjoy it as well. 8))

13) Stephen is a smart man !! The only one to finish with full cognitive ability and still was able to share his water with us.

14) I am glad that life brings us such humor as in the ability to laugh at ourselves and learn. I love this stuff !!Next hike coming up is November 30 and will be another long one !! Be ready for 20 miles !

Our First training hike for R2R2R - May 2010

This is our team site that we will be using to journal our journey on our way to our Rim to Rim to Rim hike in the Grand Canyon in May 2010.

This is the first entry in , hopefully, a series of entries that will journal our prep for this mammoth hike.

R2R2R - 48 miles in less than 20 hours - May 1, 2010 - 0230 hours - Go time !

So here it is- Volume 1 of Team R2R2R : Our first training hike - October 2, 2009 - 14 miles !

Come on and sing with me boys !! To all the hikes I've loved before....the trails I've walked on and loved so much more.... !!! Goodness gracious alive , Willie Nelson couldn't have sung it any better. The tune did ring so true on our first training hike that we completed on Friday. Wait this just in.... dee dee de dee dee .. "Headline News here... Arizona Space satellite reports 4 men found wandering through the mountains of Tucson with no water. One man reported to be wearing a thick ring of salt caked on his face in an attempt to block out the sun. Not working for him !! Another of the group found hallucinating because he drank water that he pumped out of a cesspool in an attempt to ward off dehydration. Even still, another man found wandering in circles at Catalina State Park yelling at... well, apparently no one. He is muttering something about how he could have more fun pasting honey on his privates and throwing himself in the middle of a pack of unneutered bears. The 4th man has yet to be found. Oh.. but we just spotted him, and he seems to be sunbathing near the trail where the other men were found on. He is sitting with plenty of water and is smiling ear to ear as he gives himself a hard earned shower with all of his excess water. More on the story at 10 !!" Okay, so if I had to rate the hike on a scale of 1 to 10.... it would have been a -2 . I don't think that much went right for us on Friday, but I am hoping that we take a lot from this one. Let me recap the day for you!-
-
0630 wake-up - eat homemade pancakes - Ummm...I likey !

- 0730 running late so hurry and pack a sandwich ... 100oz bladder with a little extra water is plenty and who has time to think about it right now !

- 0830 arrive at Catalina State park - step out of truck - my dog has taken a dump all over the back and rolled in it. He is very happy to see us !!- On the trail at 0835 and we are hiking fast !!! So fast that we don't even smell our own gas because the whole group has moved past it by the time its potent
- 0910 - We are at the top of the ridge and I see a salt ring building around Matt's face already, and I feel SOPS ( Sudden Onset Poop Syndrome) kicking in.Well, almost... I was in that in between stage where you don't know if you have to fart or take a dump . I fart and no solids pass so I am good !!

-0930 - We arrive at Romero Pools only to find that there is no running water and only one small cesspool off to our right. Cooper, my dog, dives in and drinks away !! I don't care at this point because I can't see straight because I have sweat in my eyes from working so hard. Matt has been leading the way up the mountain since the onset of our hike.

-1000 - We are moving so fast up the trail that I have no dry piece of clothing on my body at this point , and I am wondering who this guy Matt is. He is some sort of weird mix between a jet fighter transformer and a pit bull. As I keep looking at him 50 yards ahead of me on the trail I am feeling both amazed at his conditioning level and violent at the same time. I am thinking of ways that I can create a diversion to make him stop the pain I am feeling in my lungs.

1100 - I catch up to Matt for a brief moment and he tells me that he wants to trail run for a while. I wish that I had a pistol with a silencer.

1110- We reach the 6 mile mark on the trail and Stephen is going to chill for a bit while we head up another mile on the ridge.

1115 - I can smell myself as I hike

1130- Almost out of water already and at a very steep portion of the trail. Matt bonks, I have severe gas, and Andy gets to hike right behind me 8)

-1200- With water running low at mile 7 and the three of us tired , we stop for a bite to eat. No one want s to eat at this point because we are all redlining which makes us uninterested in food. Andy and I manage a PB & J and Matt only has a few bites of the sandwich that I made for him. My feelings are hurt. 1220- Matt, Andy , and I head back down the ridge after comparing fluid levels in our Camelbaks. Something very shocking comes to mind.... We don't have much water to get us back and we have all been sweating excessively. I see a thick ring of salt on Matt's face and he becomes my salt lick for the rest of the hike.

1245- We meet up with Stephen after heading down the trail a bit. He has plenty of water in his pack !! Smart man !!

1400 - We have about 4 miles left to get back to the truck and all of us are basically out of water except for Stephen. I feel like it has gotten about 20 degrees hotter in the last 1/2 hour and I can't escape my smell anymore. My ballsack smells in a way that it has never smelled before and I am tempted to rub some of Cooper's dung that he has stuck on myself. Maybe I am hallucinating at this point but I think that I had a class 4 shart on the way up the trail from exerting myself too much.

1430- Find sitting water - Cooper lays in cesspool again and drinks water - I am envious that he has the courage to drink brown water and enjoy it - I choose not to even though it looks really good. Instead , I start eating the plastic of my Camelbak reservoir in the hopes that I can get a little more water out of it. Andy, plops down next to Cooper and starts pumping water from the cesspool using his filter. I am thinking of trying to pee a little in my mouth so I won't die in the desert on out first training hike. Matt, Andy , and I are completely out of water so Andy drinks some of the pumped cesspool stuff. I laugh inside because I think of him wearing a diaper for the next two weeks while he tries to get rid of the Gallardia from his system. Stephen has been nice enough to share his water with all of us on the way down so we don't die. I have sunspots permanently burned into my cornea's from looking straight into Matt's salt covered face without having my sunglasses on. Very bright light !!

1515- Manage to get down ridge and have 1 mile to hike to truck. I am officially hallucinating and start yelling for no reason. Something about smashing my privates and still having more fun than on this hike. I am sun burnt and am walking with my arms behind my back to try to hide them from the sun rays. Matt asks me if this is a new sort of hiking technique and joins in. We look like a team of paired figure skaters as we stumble down the path. Matt and Stephen finish strong and I crawl to the finish line a little ways back.

1530- Back at truck - need water - poo smeared all over back of truck- dog does not want to get in - I don't blame him- I need to scrub my ballsack - we need a drink - not having fun!!

1545- Pull into Giant gas station and drink the best thirstbuster of gatorade that I think I have ever had. I lick Matt's face for a little added salt.

1615- Pull into home wondering what just hit me. 14 miles down today and a whole lot of learning to come.

Part 2 tomorrow- The lessons that we took from this hike.

Come to Jesus

Being a paramedic in a big city presents me with the unique opportunity to see people at their best and worst at times. Most of the calls that we go on in a 24 hours shift are usually benign and I would say that less than 5% of them are actually life threatening. So this allows us to spend a large portion of our time on calls with the patient just sitting and talking with them if we so choose to do that. Many crews tend to rush in and then rush out of calls but I really like to take an extra few minutes with the patient to really find out the whole story. There are many reasons that people call 911 but one of the biggest reasons is that people are often alone or scared. You never know what opportunities can arise when you just sit with people and let them talk.
One such example comes to mind from when we went on a call yesterday. We got dispatched to a 65 year old female who was in a care home and had slipped in the bathroom and hit her head. Well, she had very little to complain about but after asking about her history I found out that she had terminal cancer and was now in this nursing home for hospice care. So as we were asking questions I felt something pulling at my heart - kind of like when the rebels got too close to the death star and its tractor beam began pulling them into it. At first I tried to block it out but after a few minutes I knew exactly what it was. God was pulling me in to this lady and he wanted me to share Christ with her before I left the scene. I don't even know if you would call it pulling as much as I felt like if I didn't talk to her I was going to either have a seizure or throw up on her bed. That would have then started a barf- a- rama and that would not have been pretty. But that gives you some insight as to how consumed and bound up I was on this call by the time we finished assessing her.
So I sat down on the edge of her bed and mustered up the courage to ask how she was doing. She said that she was alone out here in Tucson with no kids or husband to leave behind when she died. I told her that it must be very tough to go through all of this alone and if she had a faith in the Lord at all. She had told me that she had an appreciation for everyone's religion and respected Jesus but faith was something that she had not given much though to up to this point. She also told me that she couldn't see herself as a believer in Christ because she had been deeply hurt by a christian family that she had worked for. I told her that it is hard being hurt by others especially those you were close with. I tried to empathize with her letting her know that others hurt us sometimes and that we tend to judge Christ based on the actions of people. I didn't want to press the subject too much so I told her that I would pray for her and she responded very warmly to my gesture. She told me that I was very kind and that she appreciated me taking time out of my day to sit and talk with her.
I don't know if she will ever give another thought to one word of our conversation that we had the other day. I would like to think that in some way I made a difference in her life for a few moments and that she may spend a little time thinking about what a relationship with Christ could mean to her. In the end isn't that all we can really do for others- Take the time to listen, love them where they are at, and pray for God to touch their hearts. We can put ourselves out there and knock at the door of the unbeliever and hope that they will open up. Then we need to just stand back and let God work his magic !!

The Call

I was at work on June 11 and it was evening time around 8:00 pm when one of the guys yelled my name from across the room that I had a phone call. I was in the office when I heard him so I walked over to the phone and picked it up. Then the sweetest little voice started speaking from the other end of the line. "Hi, Daddy," is what my youngest son said on the other line. At this point I was totally surprised because my youngest son does not usually call work. I'm thinking at this point that he wanted to confess one of his little trouble spots from the day or maybe that he even wanted to confess something for one of the other boys. There is a short pause on the phone after he said hello and then the words came out of his mouth. The sweetest words that I think a father could ever hear from one of his children came flowing through the phone. "I accepted Jesus into my heart today at vacation bible school today," he added. Now I was not expecting this at work so it kind of caught me off guard a little bit. There were several guys in the office and I started to well up with tears so I moved over into the corner to talk with him. I realized that everyone in the office would hear me if my voice started to crack with emotion so I pulled it together and told him that I was so happy for him. I wasn't just happy I was beaming with joy , and I wanted so much to jump up out of my seat and scream for joy. But... I held it together and told him that I would give him a big hug and a kiss as soon as I saw him the next day. Then we both said good-bye and hung up the phone.
The next day my boys were already at vacation bible school by the time that I got home from the station so I didn't get to see them. So when it was time top pick them up at noon I was wondering if my youngest son would remember my promise to him on the phone the previous night. I sure remembered and I was anxiously waiting to see him in the parent pick-up room. I walked thru the doors into the building and looked over to the activities room. As I made my way over there I saw him standing by one of his leaders waiting for us to come pick him up. As I walked in the room I caught his eye and he ran over to me immediately. As he got to me I bent down and gave him a big bear hug, then kissed him, and told him how much I loved him. As I pulled back after hugging him I looked into his eyes and saw him beaming with joy. He had a smile on his face that made my heart melt all over again. The type of joy-filled, contented smile that makes me thankful everyday for becoming a father and for Christ in heaven whose works never cease to amaze me !!

The Mud Run !!

So several of my buddies and me go out and do crazy adventure stuff every year so we can supposedly get the little kid out of our system and return home civilized once again. This past Saturday was one of those planned trips , and I got to run in one of the craziest events that I have ever had the chance to be a part of. It was the Camp Pendleton Mud Run which is a 10k run through trails, hills, streams, mud pits, water holes, lakes, and more mud pits. It was one of the funnest and hardest 10 k races that I have run in so far but it was well worth the effort of getting there. We had no idea what to expect on the course because this was a new one for all of us but we charged ahead nonetheless. We ended up getting to the starting line right before the gun went off so we were forced to start a ways back in the pack. After we did get to running though it was one obstacle after another that was thrown at us. At one point there were even marines jumping out of training compounds with water guns , and they were shooting us with water. We had to run up several hills, dive into several streams, swim across a lake, and trudge through several mud pits to get to the end of the course. I tell you this- it felt more like 10 miles than it did 6.2 !!! I was plumb tired at the finish line and very glad it was over for the time being. After I caught my breath though I started thinking about how I was going to do things differently for next year's race. None of us took top ten or even top 25 but the fun in all of it was just getting out there and once again proving that adventure comes from within !! Dare to dream big and go make it happen !!

Look at this short clip showing the last big mud pit at the race !!

The artist !!

Have you ever gotten the chance to walk amongst trees so tall that when you looked up at them you could have sworn that they were reaching straight for God's hand up in heaven. When you stopped to look around you heard the wind rustling the canopy overhead so much so that it sounded like running water was nearby. And while you were standing there in the middle of it all you realized that you couldn't hear a single noise outside of what God had breathed into the trees. Nothing around you and no distractions to take your mind elsewhere in the moment. Just blissful, mind clearing silence that filled your soul. I had the chance to do just that this past week at Hart Prairie in Arizona. I stopped in an opening in the middle of a grove of aspen trees and took this picture. No particularly important spot on the map but one that caught my eye enough to make me stop and enjoy God's awesome handiwork ! He is the master artist and creator of everything we know and it is almost impossible when standing in a place like this to fail to acknowledge that. The best thing about it is that His works are everywhere we go because He has had a hand in it all. All you have to do is take the time to look up and watch it all happen right in front of you !!

Empty Me Jesus - Why it's there !!

So I am riding my bike a few weeks ago to the firehouse in the early morning as I have been doing on and off now for several years. After trudging through what seemed like quicksand for the first 15 minutes I finally get into my groove and begin to take in the awesome morning sun while I pedal. I will usually ride the 30 mile course in about an hour and a half so I have time to think about a WHOLE lot of stuff. And for the most part my rides are very uneventful so I begin the day by praying. Ahhh... a peaceful morning started off with a prayer!! Nothing would be finer than a connection with God early in the morning but I always tend to get sidetracked. I start off my prayers with great fervor and focus but tend to change subjects about 30 times in my mind due to lack of discipline... or is it ADD? Okay, it's ADD but I realize that this makes for exciting times in my prayer life with a change in subject every 15 seconds!! So I am coursing through this prayer, subject to subject, and I have now forgotten where I am at about 10 times over. My passion for connection has long passed and I feel like I should be in a prayer care home for the lost and unfocused. So for the umteenth time I start over hoping to regain my zest for finishing this thing strong but something keeps nagging at me this morning. Like a rogue nosehair that won't stop tickling the old septum I felt something that kept grabbing my attention. It's like God was saying to me that we weren't changing course on this ship and we weren't coming back to the same place ever again. So I stop praying at this point and it is then that 'Empty Me' by Jeremy Camp comes on my mp3 player. So I begin to intently listen to the words of this song that I have heard probably a 100 times over and never taken notice of before this morning. But as I was pedaling it grabbed me and I felt like those words were talking right to my heart. Call it an epiphany, breakthrough, grand moment, or whatever else you want to but I know exactly what happened at that moment. God was speaking directly to me through that song and changing me. You see I had been praying for all of these years thinking that I had to hit so many targets in my prayer in order for them to count that I was missing the point all along. To me it was like I was in an 'Amazing Race' prayer and I had to get to reach the checkpoints along the course all in order before I could make a mad dash to the end of the stage. Except the only thing is that I had been running the same course for the past 15 years or so since I accepted Christ. So Jeremy Camp's words to this song shook me up me in a way that I haven't felt in a long time during my prayer life. As he sung the words to his song I sang along in my mind and for the first time in a while I felt a truly deep connection with God that morning.
Could it really be that simple for us that we tend to look right past it !! Have I had the tendency to just walk aimlessly through my prayers day after day so much so that I had lost what I was looking for in the first place. A connection with God !! For a long time I had been willing to make a check list of the things that I needed to hit every morning in my prayer so I could get through it and call it a day !! Mom, Dad, kids, thanks for it everything, thanks for heaven, protect me and the family- Amen !! Wow !! I wonder why I was uninspired fopr such a long time. My prayer life had become a chore checklist with nothing behind it.
So I listened to 'Empty Me' that morning and learned what it meant to be passionate again about prayer. I needed to step out of the way of myself and just ask the Lord to take over my life. No checklist and no rambling man but simple humility with a willing heart. After the song was finished I was so moved that I simply began repeating a portion of it again and again to myself.

Jesus Burn Away

My Desire For Anything

That is Not of YOU and is of Me

I Want More of YOU and Less of Me

So simple and yet so profound that it was life changing for me.

Christ please empty me of myself and fill me with you, Amen !!

HE knows what to do with the rest.

Saint Ralph

I watched a movie a little while back that really captured my thoughts after I had seen it. It wasn't a flashy film or one that even grabbed any awards at the Oscar's for great performances. It was more of a sleeper pick that caught my eye at the store and ended up being one of my favorite inspirational movies that I have seen. The movie was called Saint Ralph and the premise of the story surrounds a young boy (Ralph Walker) who lives alone at home because his mother is in a coma. He attends a very strict Catholic school and is at a loss for meaning in his life. He very much wants his mom to somehow come out of the coma because he has no other family that he can turn to. Anyways, he comes up with an idea that if somehow he can pray hard enough and successfully perform a miracle that God will grant him his wish of his mom waking up. So he becomes obsessed with an idea that if he can train , run in , and win the Boston Marathon (which would be the miracle) that God would grant him his wish. Of course, as soon as the kids at school and the priests find out about his endeavor they all mock him and tell him that he is crazy. The thing about Ralph that separates him from everyone else is that he believes in himself no matter what everyone else is telling him. In then end, he receives help from a priest that is inspired by Ralph's tenacity and he ends up qualifying for the Boston marathon.
Now watch this clip from the movie as it shows Ralph running in the race against the top competition in the world. Remember, he is only 14 and is running against the greatest racers of his time !!



Now you know how the race ends up but what you don't see is at the very end of the movie he thinks that he has failed in his mission to get his miracle. He starts to question if he has prayed hard enough, if he had enough faith, and if his motives were pure enough for God to grant him his wish. He visits his mom in the hospital and she has not woken up yet so he goes on thinking that he has failed . But what he doesn't see when he leaves after his visit with his mom is that she opens her eyes and smiles with him on her mind. Success!!

So many lessons in this movie can be translated into our daily lives that I thought I would share a few that came to mind as I watched this movie.

1) Step into the Arena !! How many of us win, lose, or draw are willing to put it all on the line for something that we believe in. To stick our necks out there and give 100% of everything we have knowing that all the odds are stacked against us in doing so. So many of us, including myself, avoid those challenges in our lives that seem overly difficult or impossible to overcome for fear of failure, ridicule, and even because of pride. I have promised myself in my life that I will never turn and run from my fears and that what defines me is not the outcome of my efforts but the heart I show in trying. I hope everyday that we all will choose one great mountain to set our sites on and say to ourselves, "I'm going there today ! "

2) "One man with courage makes a majority !!" It is a quote that I heard a while back that really seems to fit the theme of this movie perfectly. It applies to the type of situation that Ralph himself was in when trying to perform his miracle. When no one else believed in him and what he was doing he still did not waiver for one minute. It is more of a way of life that calls on a person to walk a different path from the crowd due to their deep seated beliefs. Not meant as an opportunity for a person to boast, to try to stand out, or to prove a point but rather inspire others because their passion causes them to move. When something so deeply stirs the waters of your soul that whether others believe similarly or not holds no weight in your decision to act. And really isn't that what ends up inspiring the people around us the most. When others see us hold fast to our beliefs and are willing to fight with everything we have inside for them they will be moved themselves into action.

3) Faith like a child !! As we grow past childhood and into our adult years we tend to become calloused towards the world and the things in it- even our faith. If you were to ask a child if they truly believed that their prayers to God would be answered as they prayed I bet you would have almost 100% of them answer you "Yes !" But as we go through life and experience disappointments, failures, and mistakes we tend to translate that over to our into our faith. Somehow we lose that sense of belief that God is greater than all of those experiences and that He Never fails us. No wonder God doesn't just jump up to answer our prayers because we tend to pray with the presumptuous thoughts that He may not answer me so I need to guard my heart. My prayer is that we can all be a little more like Ralph Walker in that we expect to be answered by our Savior because our intentions are pure enough and we are worth enough to Him.


So in the end Ralph Walker thinks that he has failed right after he loses the race by a split second. What he fails to initially see is the way that he inspired all those around him to believe in something bigger than themselves again. The kids at his school, the nurses at the hospital , and most importantly the priests that were over him were changed because of one act of courage. In the end the priest that was working with him the closest, who had lost his inspiration in life and most of his faith, was moved to believe again. Ralph Walker proved that what we do in this world does matter and that we can have a huge impact on those around us everyday. It is about the choice that we make every morning that we wake up to either live for ourselves or something greater. Because when we live for a greater cause those who see us moving will undoubtedly , at the very least, be moved in their hearts. The exact place where God wants us to move !!

Empty Me Jesus !!

Holy Fire Burn Away

My Desire For Anything

That is Not of YOU and is of Me

I Want More of YOU and Less of Me

Jeremy Camp- Empty Me

Who fills me on the inside more- HIM or me ?

Click on the title of this post to watch the video of 'Empty Me'

Remember !! A Memorial Day Tribute !!

Memorial Day

Did you know that the first memorial day ceremony was observed on May 30, 1868 in commemoration of the soldiers that were killed in the civil war. It was originally called Decoration Day and is to be celebrated the last Monday of every May to honor those soldiers who have lost their lives in the service of their country.

General Joshua L. Chamberlain (pictured left) was an unassuming college professor prior to entering into service as a Union army lieutenant colonel during the Civil War. Chamberlain served in over 20 different engagements and was wounded 6 different times in doing so. He finished his career as a Major General and ended up speaking at a Memorial Day ceremony for fallen soldiers in 1884. Here is an excerpt from his address that was given that day.

"It is not that these men are dead, but that they have so died...that they offered themselves willingly to death in a cause vital and dear to humanity; and what is more, a cause they comprehended as such, and looking at it, in all its bearings and its consequences, solemnly pledged to it all that they had and were.... This comprehension of the cause—this intelligent devotion—this deliberate dedication of themselves to duty—these deaths suffered in testimony of their loyalty, faith and love, make these men worthy of honor today, and these deaths equal to the lauded deaths of martyrs. Not merely that the cause was worthy but that they were worthy.... God grant to us that lesson of devotion and loyalty be not lost...."

"They gave their best for something held dearer than joy—something of good beyond their personal experience; the giving of which, in this world's estimation, is of such cost that it cannot be justified by your understanding but only in your overpassing faith."

"We do not live for self.... We are a part of a larger life, reaching before and after, judged not by deeds done in the body but deeds done in the soul. We wish to be remembered. Willing to die, we are not willing to be forgotten."

I hope we can all take time out this weekend to think about those who gave the ultimate sacrifice for us all in this country and the selfless actions they performed in protecting our freedoms.

Honor

hon·or - a) one whose worth brings respect - b) a keen sense of ethical conduct


A True WWII Story :

Charlie Brown was a B-17 Flying Fortress pilot with the 379th Bomber Group at Kimbolton, England. His B-17 was called 'Ye Old Pub' and was in a terrible state, having been hit by flak and fighters. The compass was damaged and they were flying deeper over enemy territory instead of heading home to Kimbolton.
After flying over an enemy airfield, a pilot named Franz Steigler was ordered to take off and shoot down the B-17. When he got near the B-17, he could not believe his eyes. In his words, he 'had never seen a plane in such a bad state'. The tail and rear section was severely damaged, and the tail gunner wounded. The top gunner was all over the top of the fuselage. The nose was smashed and there were holes everywhere.
Despite having ammunition, Franz flew to the side of the B-17 and looked at Charlie Brown, the pilot. Brown was scared and struggling to control his damaged and blood-stained plane.
Aware that they had no idea where they were going, Franz waved at Charlie to turn 180 degrees. Franz escorted and guided the stricken plane to and slightly over the North Sea towards England. He then saluted Charlie Brown and turned away, back to Europe.
When Franz landed he told the CO that the plane had been shot down over the sea, and never told the truth to anybody. Charlie Brown and the remains of his crew told all at their briefing, but were ordered never to talk about it.
More than 40 years later, Charlie Brown wanted to find the Luftwaffe pilot who saved the crew. After years of research, Franz was found. He had never talked about the incident, not even at post-war reunions.
They met in the USA at a 379th Bomber Group reunion in 1990, together with 25 people who are alive now - all because Franz never fired his guns that day. When asked why he didn't shoot them down, Stigler later said, "I didn't have the heart to finish those brave men. I flew beside them for a long time. They were trying desperately to get home and I was going to let them do that. I could not have shot at them. It would have been the same as shooting at a man in a parachute."

Honor !!

Can !! The Story of Dick and Ricky Hoyt !

We all tend to maximize the problems in our lives at times. We tend to think that we are the only ones struggling or going through the things that we are facing. "Why does this have to happen to me," is what we ask? These trials tend to wear us down at times and get the best of us. Next time anyone wakes up and thinks to themselves, "I can't get up today" or "I hurt too much," I want you to think that there is someone out there who faces a bigger uphill battle than you do. Believe that you are not the only one in this world who faces trials and challenges. I want you to think of it as an opportunity to overcome rather than having to endure it. The things in this world that define us are not the ailments that we have or the hardships that we face but rather the heart that we show when presented with these opportunities. So next time you wake up and want to feel helpless and overwhelmed I want you to think of this man and this son (Team Hoyt) who instead of letting the thorn define them they simply picture it as part of the rose !! Watch this video and see what they do with the life that they have been blessed with.
You will never see this world the same way again !! Then the next time you feel like you can't do something I want you to think to yourself these three things:

1) I Can !!

2) The only limits that are placed on me are the ones that I put on myself !!

3) Love Overcomes All !!

Mother and Son

I am a paramedic and I have been riding my bike on and off to work for several years now. Recently, I have passed a mother and son several times at a bus stop as I m riding my bike by on the road. I see them together on an old wooden bench on the side of the road waiting for a bus. As I rode by the first time and saw them I didn't take much note of it but I saw and 6 to 7 year old boy resting with his head on his mom's legs. She was sitting upright on the bench and he was laying across the bench with his head using her legs as a pillow. She sat there looking straight ahead at nothing in particular but was using her hands to rub her sons back as he rested. I didn't even give it much thought the first time other than the fact that maybe the boy was simply tired and wanted to rest for a minute before they got on the bus. The next time I road my bike by the same place at about the same time I saw the two of them again on the same bench in the same exact positions doing the same thing as before. I stared at them as I rode by not because I thought they were abnormal or anything but because of what the mother meant to her son. It dawned on me at that moment that the first time I had seen them on the bench was probably not the first time that they had been there but possibly the hundredth or so. Maybe even more than that. Now the second time that I passed them she was still rubbing her sons back and he was still lying on her lap just taking it all in. He was as happy as could be lying right there with his mom while she soothingly rubbed back and forth with her fingers . This gesture by mom made me take account of what it really means to be a parent and the simplistic needs of a childs heart. The mother didn't have a lot of worldly possessions from what I could pick up , and she probably didn't even have a car to travel in. Hence the reason for them waiting for the bus. What she did have is something that neither money nor power nor fame can ever buy. Unconditional love for her son. This sort of scene reminds me to count my blessing everyday for my kids and also that it doesn't take the things of this world to make them happy. The bond between a parent and a child is not forged by TV, or computers, or gifts, or things but rather by time and effort. I remind myself every time that I think my kids or myself need more THINGS that no gift that I could ever give can be bigger or more important than my time and heart !

A Baseball Story !!

So Payton has been playing baseball this year and this is his first time ever playing. He is playing in a bigger kids league as well where they do kids pitch. He is the youngest on the team and he is....let's just say..vertically challenged to begin with. So it is 3/4 of the way through the season and he has struggled hitting so far. There are kids that tower over him and some of them are heading on 11 yrs old. So he has been struggling to get his confidence. He has hit 3 or 4 balls so far this year to the infield but had yet to hit a big one as of yesterday. He has been swinging a lot but he has not been hitting the ball much so he has gotten down a little on himself. I just kept telling him to keep swinging and it would come !! So here we are in the 4th inning last night and he is up to bat.. I am coaching 3rd base... praying for God to give him one good smack of the ball at some point so he will start to believe in himself and get confidence. He has wanted to hit the ball so bad and he tells us every game that he just can't seem to quite get to it. Ohh... it will come son !! So back to the 4th inning- P-dog up to bat - ball 1 ... ball 2.... ball 3.... and no strikes !! So at this point I flash back to the movie ' The Natural ' and I am thinking of Roy Hobbs bat 'Wonderboy'. I think about how it seemed to bring him luck all of the time when he was up to bat. If only Payton could have that bat with him right now and if God could just give him the strength of Sampson just this one time I would promise that I would always use a tissue to pick my nose from now on ! So anyways... 3 balls and no strikes and I am praying for a miracle to happen. The pitcher winds up (and by the way he is a big kid who looks more like Goliath out there) and throws the ball and Payton winds up the bat and swings. Now, if I could ever tell you to paint the sweetest moment in your mind on paper it would be one like this. He not only hits the ball but he hits it over the outfielder's head and it just keeps rolling and rolling to the deep part of the park. At this point I have left the earth for lunar orbit because I am jumping up and down so high and I hear every parent in the crowd screaming for joy for him. He takes off for first and as he is heading there his coach says, "don't stop Payton!!!!!". Well, no more sooner did the words come out of his mouth than Payton took off full speed for second base and boy was he picking up steam. I have never seen a kid run so fast in my life and I am not exaggerating !!! They were yelling ' "DASH" from the stands as he rounded the bases. So he gets to second and I see him coming for third base full speed. I also see the outfielder finally getting to the ball and him trying to throw it in to his cutoff man. As he is coming towards me I am going to tell him to stop at third base because the ball is coming in now to the infield. STOP !! STOP!!! STOP!!! But this kid was determined to score. I don't think he ever looked up from the ground to even see me telling him. He just focused on the ground and ran right by me full speed. Remember Forrest Gump in the football game in college when he ran back a kickoff for a touchdown and just kept running through the endzone into the tunnel. This kid was some sort of Dash and Forrest combo turned freight train in the Running of the Bulls in Spain !! So as he passed me I couldn't even get the stop out before it turned into "RUN.. RUN....RUN..!" And he did and he beat the throw to home and scored a home run !! I was so happy that I ran over to him at home plate and hugged him so big that I thought his helmet was going to pop off like a cork !! He just smiled at me with a look of satisfaction and complete and utter happiness. It was one of the best sports moments that I have experienced as a father. As I was walking back to third base to coach again I turned to the other team's coach and said , "That was my son ..he's never hit it out of the infield..and he just hit a home run !!" I am sure he thought that I was a little slow on the uptake at that point because he was standing right behind me when Payton hit the ball. I didn't really care though because I was so proud that I needed to share it with someone. Even a stranger !! About 30 seconds after the play was over I started to laugh hysterically at third base because of the look of determination on Payton's face as he ran right by me. I was laughing so hard that I walked over to the sideline and stood there a minute to catch my breath. Then my laughter turned to welled up tears in my eyes because I was so proud of the person that Payton is and the will that he shows in this life. I was so worried for such a long time for him this season because he didn't get to shine a whole lot at the plate. I was afraid it would leave him down on himself but it was like all of my worries for Payton were lifted off of my shoulders at that moment when he hit that ball. I thought that the baseball season was too much for him and that maybe we chose the wrong league with too big of kids. All of it was gone in one moment with one swing of the bat. It was like Payton was saying okay so I haven't hit the ball much and so what if you are Goliath- I am Payton Billings and this is my time !! He did just that and with one swing of the bat he rode high on the wings of eagles as he ran the bases !! It was his shining moment and no one deserved it more !! I was just happy that I got to share it with him !!